a rough patch.

so i'm not going to lie. i'm apparently hitting a bit of a rough patch personally right now. i'm still enjoying mexico immensely, but the things that have been weighing on me since i've been here (and some from before) all seemed to crash in together on me this last weekend. we got back from ensenada, and i really liked it there. there were more english speakers, more people in general, more room, more beach, more relaxation, more worship, and more support. overall, i had a lot more there than i do here in tecate. and that made coming back (although it felt a lot like coming home) a bit disappointing.

i feel really disconnected from home, and i've been really having a hard time feeling completely at home with my dts family. i've been trying to work on my spanish, but really this just means i don't talk as much at all. which wasn't so bad, until i started totally pouring everything out on the few people who understood what i was saying to them. they claim that it's okay that i tell them everything, but i hate that i feel like i can't have real conversation with most of the students here. i fortunately was able to have a decent conversation with one of the guys, israel, today while we were painting over some graffiti. it felt good, because he's one of the people here i feel closest to, but he doesn't speak a whole lot of english. i tried to speak as much spanish as i could, and was moderately effective. turns out we have more in common than i thought, so that was a little encouragement that i needed.

three of the students in our group went home this week. most of the mexicans have been having problems with financial support, and two of them had to go home because they no longer had enough money for this lecture phase that we're in now. we're praying so much, because the rest of the students have exhausted their financial resources to pay for this part of the dts, but they still have to pay for the outreach phase, just like me. this week, i'm working on writing for support for my outreach, because we're getting closer, and i still have to raise a lot of money. and of course, all of this thinking about finances is bound to bring spirits down a bit, so we're all feeling very weary and discouraged.

i've also been experiencing a lot of failure on my part. this is so trying on my spirit, and the devil is using this to really make me feel unworthy of the things God is calling me to. i've never felt as in tune with God as i do right now. i've been able to share words and visions from God with people, and hear Him more distinctly than ever before. and it's amazing because YWAM has such a biblical basis, everything we do and learn has a biblical reference, and so beside my quiet time with God, i'm constantly in the word for other reasons. the binding on my Bible actually broke i've been reading it so much. i've been receiving a lot of scripture during intercession and worship as well, and it feels so good to have God constantly reaffirming me. lately though i've been struggling with my purpose here. why specifically God wanted me at this dts, now. i'm definitely learning more about Him, and thus myself, but i want to get more out of this experience than i currently see myself receiving. and i know to get more i have to give more. the problem is i keep putting so much effort into things, and they keep failing. not all of them, but it's been a pattern.

on top of all of this, as many of you know i have really bad luck with bugs. i was doing so well on that subject until i went to ensenada. i don't know what i have, but i have some sort of bug bite or allergy rash all over my arms, neck, stomach, back and some on my legs and face. the other girls are getting it too, but theirs is a little different. my theory is that we all got something from our room (not sure what) and i just happened to be more susceptible to whatever bugs in ensenada bite. 'cause it started as soon as we got there, and got different when we left. now i just have a sort of rash, i'm not getting any more big bites or whatever they are. but basically, if you've been around me in the last nine months at all, you know this is not a surprise. you also know that whatever it is, i'm dealing with it. but you also should know that it's really consuming. i'm just so itchy all the time! and i'm sick of being this way!

so as you can see, i'm in need of lots of prayer. i was hesitant to write any of this on here, because some of it's really personal, some of it i'm ashamed of, and i honestly want you all to know that i am sincerely loving it here. but i do need prayer, my whole group does. we're not sure how many people will be able to go on outreach because it's so expensive, and we're already struggling with financial support. and we're really in need of some unity, especially after losing some of our sisters and brothers who had to go home. so prayer is greatly appreciated at this point. we're about a third of the way through our school, and it's starting to get trying. but we're hopeful and looking to God in every moment. and thank you so much for your prayers so far. i love you and miss you all very much!

and on the eighth day, God created tacos...and it was good!

first of all, thank you katie for the comment lovin'. i am more encouraged to write on here if i see that people are commenting, because i dunno if y'all are even reading this, so leave comments. and if you do comment, feel free to ask about certain things, or say what you think is interesting so i can make this a better read.

anyhoo...this week in ensenada so far as been AMAZING! it's been very relaxing for me, because God did a lot of work with me over the weekend to get me to an extremely peaceful and joyful place with Him. the speaker this week is focusing on the character and nature of God, which is always an optimistic topic, and it's been very fun so far. we've had a lot of worship time already (especially since we're with the school of worship ), and we've been doing something called "harp and bowl". this is a very powerful and intense practice of a combination of musical worship and intercessory prayer. it's based on the passage of Revelation 5:8-10. side note: it's been really interesting how much God has been speaking to me through the book of Revelation lately.

today, for the first hour of class (after our time of harp and bowl), we went across the street to the beach and each on our own searched after getting to know God better through His creation. it was a really lovely time for all of us. i ended up writing a song for Him that I just kept singing over and over. it was amazing. i was really encouraged too, because one of the SOW students came up to me at the end and said that he wanted to tell me that God sees my heart for Him and to never let go of that passion I have for him. when we got back to class some people shared what God told them during that time. it was cool to hear all the different ways that God was moving in us.

on another positive note, God has been working in my heart a lot on the area related to fear. i realized that the spiritual attack I experienced two weeks ago was because of fear. the presence of the enemy ignited fear within me and he used that fear to attack. but i've been praying about God taking that fear away from me and He's been working fast. for one thing, I prayed (almost nonchalantly) because i didn't really expect anything to come of it, for God to cure me of my fear of balls and sports involving balls. now, if you know me at all, you know that this has been a crippling fear in the past. causing me to cry, and run away, and hyperventilate sometimes. but our speaker mentioned something about how fear can keep us from our destiny, and i thought about all the times i haven't ministered to someone because of my stupid, irrational but completely legitimate fear of balls. so i prayed. and yesterday afternoon we had exercise time. and guess what we were doing...that's right! volleyball. so i prayed again, because volleyball is probably the sport that i have the least amount of fear in playing, and i went out, and played for hours with NO FEAR. ever! it was amazing. and unexpected. then today I played again. and the guys were throwing a football around for a while and i was right by them...and no fear! so that's my sort of lame, but really practical testimony of how God can work in our lives.

another thing God has done is teach me to worship. i almost always feel led to dance during times of musical worship. and i almost never do. why? because there are other people all around, and i don't want to look like a fool, and i don't want to distract, and i don't want to look like i'm putting on a show. but God has taken that all away from me. He told me He wants to see me dance for Him, so this whole week, i started dancing more and more during worship times. today i danced during my quiet time in the morning, during some worship time later, and then again tonight when we had our community service with worship. it's so amazing, and it's worship that i can honestly do solely for God. but on top of the breakthrough it's been i had two people come up to me and tell me that they were blessed by seeing me worship God so openly and wholly, and encouraged me to do that more!

No, I do not have the swine flu.

Neither does anyone I know for that matter. Last week I was in Tijuana, at the YWAM base there. It was a phenomenal week. Our teacher, Dwight Hansen was inspiring! He had so much wisdom to impart on us. We focused the week on worship, and though I feel like I have a pretty good perspective on worship, I learned new things and walls I didn’t even realize were there were broken down. I was able to really get at the heart of God during the week and it felt amazing! We shared the week with the School of Worship from Ensenada, which just reinforced and allowed us lots of opportunity to practice what we were learning. They were a cool bunch from all over, Holland, England, Japan, the Philippines, Canada, etc. We get to go to Ensenada for the next two weeks, so we’ll get to spend more time with them.

There was one major issue pressing on my heart the whole week. My small group leader, Tita, has an illness that she’s had for years, but it’s been getting worse the last six months. Her doctor said she wouldn’t be able to do missions work, but she’s been fine as she’s done just that in 23 different countries. She is an amazing woman of Christ and has been discipling me well over the last couple weeks. She ended up in and out of the hospital during week four, and was gone all of this week. She’s returning tomorrow and is doing much better (PTL!). But I spent much of the week in Tijuana in prayer for her healing, and peace in her heart as she goes through this. I ask for your prayers for her as well.

The weekend between weeks four and five we had off. Unfortunately, I live a decent flight away, and so the other American and I (and three other people who live too far away in Mexico) stayed at the base the whole weekend. I think it was a good idea, because we were able to rest and relax (and do some hardcore cleaning/gardening), and because of what happened Friday night. I went to the church that two of my classmates from here in Tecate are members of, for their youth service. During the service I was overwhelmed by a spiritual attack. It was really scary, and I’ve had them before but it still caught be off guard. I was subsequently shaken up most of the weekend. But I prayed about it a lot, and I’ve been able to get even closer to God because of it.

So this week (five) we had Barry Houser come to share some Biblical Foundations teaching with us. He taught us a lot. We learned a systematic approach to studying the Bible, and we went in depth into a few passages/topics. It was very educational, and enlightening. I especially enjoyed it I think, being the, hands down, biggest nerd in the class. But I definitely got a lot out of him being here. Each week here has provided great speakers, with life-changing things to share, and I feel so blessed.

real missionary training.

this last weekend was an intense one. i keep using that word to describe this DTS experience, but it's the most accurate word i can think of. friday afternoon the fifteen of us students and three staff left for the Cumiai Comunidad of the Neji people. they are an indigenous tribe who are displaced from their homes and now live in whatever they can put together in this area about an hour away from Tecate. part of the purpose of this trip, besides ministering to the people and doing construction work, was to practice leadership. we were split into three groups and each day one of the groups would be leading and making the decisions. we all did pretty well, but i definitely think we need more practice with the whole teamwork leadership thing. we were camping out the whole weekend, however, there was an outhouse we could use (PTL!). it was horribly freezing at night though. the second night i think i slept a total of about an hour. but other than that it was a pretty great weekend. we spent friday night having worship and sharing a message with the people there. i helped out with the children's ministry. the kids were so precious. it was getting really cold so i had children all over me trying to use my body heat to keep warm. it was special, and they still enjoyed themselves. later we had a bonfire, which was a good time of getting to know each other even better and sing some more.

saturday was our big work day. we collected the sand, rocks, and crete to mix together and pour for the foundation of one house. it was a lot of work, but it was good. the floor turned out great. we ended up having another bonfire that night too because it was so cold. this time though we played a game where each girl picks one of the guys and then the guys have to go one at a time and formally ask out whichever girl he thinks picked him. she's supposed to lead him on, and then if she did pick him accept (giving the boys a point), and if she didn't, turn him down (giving the girls a point.  then you reverse roles. it was HILARIOUS! really, these mexicanos are nuts!

following that was a sleepless night, of which i got up extra early to go hang with the guys that kept guard overnight (from animals and such, which there were a lot of) and help out with making breakfast. then we had more worship and i gave the sunday message.

(oh, btw i led musical worship for the first time ever on friday morning. even though it was just my class and the staff, i was really nervous, because i'm not known to be a very good singer. but it felt good to lead. i'm probably going to be doing more of that in the future.)

after breakfast we had to wait for some people to get supplies, and while the rest of us cleaned around our campground, one of the Neji men came over with his horses and we got to do some horseback riding which was a wonderfully random morning activity. shortly thereafter we went to go start the foundation on another house, but on the way to walk over there (after about five steps) i hardcore wiped-out and twisted my ankle. i'm pretty sure it isn't anything serious, but it still hurts, and so i was out for the rest of the work day resting my foot. later in the afternoon we packed up and headed back to Tecate for dinner and showers and more packing. we were all very in desperate need of some limpiar.

now tomorrow morning we're leaving once again for Tijuana. we're going to be there for a whole week this time, so it'll be good to spend some time getting to know the people at that base better. i'm just glad we don't have to sleep on the freezing ground again.

ZUMBA!

so i just finished with my mandatory exercise time. which is probably good because i wish i would work out, but i can never get up the motivation to actually do it. i've gone running in the morning with a couple of the guys here too but they're really hard core so i dunno if that'll keep up. what i do now is that extreme workout video in spanish. it's fun because it's like dancing. (yay!) but my whole body hurts now between working out, working construction, other random things, and sunburn. yes, i got some good burning on saturday even though i wore tons of sunscreen the whole day. some of it's really bad, but i'm hoping most of it actually turns into a tan which would be new for my skin.

this week has been fun so far. we had Robert McAlpine come to speak. he and his wife are at the tijuana base, but their from canada. he was very cool. we had some good talks. and he's going to be working with my good friend susie this fall so it was exciting that we both knew her. and actually susie's boyfriend was around most of the weekend as well. he too works at the tijuana base, and he led the construction for homes of hope this weekend. it was good to get to know him.

we turned in our first book report today. apparently, compared to the rest of my DTS, i'm an overachiever. it was decided that this is because i'm a gringa. i wrote way more than we needed to, and in formal APA paper format. i also read the entire book in like two days 'cause i got mine later than everyone else (since i signed up late and needed it in english not spanish) and some of the other students were still finishing it last night. it makes me feel better about myself that my usual procrastination is actually ahead of the game here. plus we have memory verses to do each week. (I got 100% on last weeks!) And I've been memorizing the verses in english AND spanish. impressive, right?

speaking of speaking spanish, i'm struggling! i know it's only my third week, but i'm no good. i can't roll my r's at all! we haven't even made it all the way through the alphabet in my class yet though, and i'll be here for a few more months, but i want to speak it now! i'm picking it up little by little though.

i have to head over to the base soon. we live in a house that's about two blocks away from the base, so it's nice that we're close, but we have our own space to hang out and relax. we eat most of our meals and have class over there though. it's SO hot though! i'm not going to make it through this summer with the heat. it's just intense 'cause it was such a drastic weather change. as of last week we were still shivering and layering up sweatshirts. now shorts and a tank are too much! well, it's not quite that bad, but it's hot.

i'm going to play a quick little game that i learned from my friend bethanne called what i miss, what i don't miss:

what i miss: good ice cream, having a closet, and air-conditioning

what i don't miss: television, white people, and speed limits

addy:

i said i would put my address up on here for anyone who might want to mail me something. this action is greatly appreciated. also, if you know you want to donate money toward our outreach you can send checks made out to "YWAM Tecate" (and you can write my name in the memo line if you want) to this address:

YWAM Tecate Spring DTS

Samantha Pierz

100 W. 35th Street, Suite C

National City, CA 91950 USA

(this is not my physical address, but where we pick up our mail from 'cause mexican mail is way too slow.)

begin week three...

These first two weeks of my discipleship Training School (DTS) have begun well, with some great speakers. On Monday, Sean and Janet Lambert came to talk to us about the history of the Youth With A Mission (YWAM) campuses throughout the San Diego/Baja area. They were ideal for this topic, because they started the first base in San Diego and have expanded the reach of YWAM from Ensenada to Tijuana and now Tecate, where I am doing my DTS. It was encouraging to hear their original hopes for this area to produce missionaries to reach throughout the world with the love of Jesus Christ, because that is why I am here. I am proud to be a part of the legacy they have started.

The next speaker was Brett Curtis who is part of the leadership for YWAM in San Diego/Baja. He shared with us his thoughts on sin, preventing sin, overcoming temptation and seeing sin as God sees it. This was especially powerful because Brett felt like our class really needed to here about this topic even though it was not planed. And we were all very interested. One part of his lecture that I was particularly interested in was the fact that there is always a way out of sin. Before we fall completely into a habit or lifestyle of sin, there are multiple points where we can stop and turn to God. This is something that is often overlooked or forgotten, but can save someone from future sin and bring him or her closer to God. I also think it is important for us to see sin as the repulsive thing God sees it as, because that is what it really is. I ask God constantly to break my heart to the things that break His.

Brett continued to speak to us the following few days about intercession, which is basically praying on behalf of someone else, but is something I know to be amazingly powerful. We have been interceding for Tecate, asking God to move in this city and reclaim each person here as a member of His kingdom. We also had Mitch Carlson talk to us about cultural sensitivity, specifically between American and Mexican cultures, because those are the two cultures that we have living in community together for our DTS (even though we only have two Americans in our DTS and thirteen Mexicans). On Friday, Kody Spang came to talk to us about the love of God, which is such an amazing thing to discuss, because God IS love! I pray that every person can learn the peace and joy that comes from knowing that God loves you. That knowledge is what keeps me going from day to day. That first weekend, we went out in groups in one of the neighborhoods here to tell people about the Homes of Hope ministry we have and to pray for them. My group found out about a seven-year-old girl there who was very sick with cancer. We ended up finding her home, and spoke with her brother. He told us that she was in a hospital in Tijuana because her anemia from the leukemia was getting worse. We prayed for her and her family through that hard time, and thanked God that she was able to get some treatment.

We just finished up week two, which started out with Tim Kemp coming to speak. He is in charge of all the YWAM schools in Ensenada. He spoke about a few things, but what I really came out with was the reassertion of what it means to live like Christ. We need to live every moment and say every word as Christ would. This is so vital, because if we do not do this, we are misrepresenting Christ, and we are not doing what He calls us to do. Stephanie and Omar Murillo, also staff from Ensenada, came for two days to speak to us about forgiveness and restoration. Forgiveness is a very important topic for all Christians because we are meant to forgive each other and the forgiveness we receive from God is our salvation and allows us to be restored. Our class even took some time in small groups to go through everyone in our lives and pray for God to reveal if we need to forgive any of those people or ask them for forgiveness. This was very emotional, some of the students here have had very traumatic events happen in their lives and have not been able to forgive the people who hurt them. We finished up the week with Mitch Carlson coming back to discuss quiet time with us. Quiet time is something I do all the time, but I set aside special time in the morning to meditate on scripture and sit in stillness and listen to God. My quiet time is usually a time of worship to God for who He is, thankfulness for what He is doing in my life, and waiting upon Him to give me specific direction or answers to prayers. Since I’ve been here in DTS it’s been a lot of praise for the peace and happiness I have been blessed with, and waiting for God to speak to me about what specifically He wants me to do in missions.

This week we also spent a lot of time preparing for Thursday when we put together a “Night of Missions” at the YWAM center in Tijuana. It turned out well, with worship, a speaker, displays and a drama. We presented seven countries to focus on in prayer and their need for missions. I represented Fiji with Dina, my new sister (not to replace my other sister named Dine, but just a Mexican version of her). Then on Saturday I got to go with a few other students from our class to build a house with Homes of Hope along with a group of teenagers here doing a Mission Adventure program. It felt so good to be doing construction work again. I really miss ASP. But I'm so glad I got to help build a house for that family in the name of God, even though it was hard work. They had a bunch of adorable little kids, and a baby that I managed to find lots of breaks in my work to go play with. I love that it is totally culturally acceptable here to just pick up someone else’s baby here and hold it or play with it, because I love me some babies!

Today we’re going to do some evangelism and try and raise some money for our outreach in a few months. This is something I need your help with. We need to raise $3,000 per person, and most of the students here don’t have that kind of money and do not have support like I do to raise that money. So I need your help in praying that we can raise the funds for us to be able to all go on outreach, and pray and ask God if He wants you do donate money to our outreach. If you are willing to financially support my team or me please email me at spierz@iwu.edu and let me know. I will be sending out some letters in the coming weeks to ask for support, but it’s a lot of money to raise. And about our outreach, we were originally supposed to go to India for our outreach, but God has changed that plan. I’m honestly really sad I don’t get to go to India yet, but instead we’re going to Guatemala, including one month in San Miguel Chicaj, which is where I just went over spring break with a group from DRL at Wesleyan! This is so amazing because I almost didn’t go on that trip, and God has placed San Miguel Chicaj on my heart and I’ve been praying for them and now I get to go back!