Next Stop: RN

Sitting here, riding on these smooth Metra rails toward my downtown testing center, I find myself reassured by God through friends and family both intentionally and not while I gulp down this persistent nausea. I'm going to take my NCLEX exam. If I pass it, I get to be Samantha L. Pierz RN BSN. That's a lot of letters. And I keep feeling undeserving of them. Somehow I convinced Illinois Wesleyan to give me a degree, and now I go to prove myself worthy of the license I've been working toward for the past five years by answering questions for what may (and probably will) take up to six hours. I'm scared, but not really, just anticipating the cruelty that is the NCLEX.

Fortunately I have a God who is faithful and good, even when I'm not. And He has the power to do anything, even if I don't feel like I can even pass a test. He wants good things for me, and He's led me down this rocky path that has felt more like a rollercoaster (one of those old wooden ones that aren't smooth and always give you a headache) than the paved road it looks like from afar. He's taught me to align my will with His. I never wanted to be a nurse until He put the idea in my head. So everytime I question my abilty, I'm questioning His call on my life and His ability to provide the knowledge and strength and talent I need to be exactly what He has made me to be. I mean, I also never wanted to go to Mexico, and now He's got me pining away after the country like some distant lover. He will get me through this, and if I'm meant to learn something from failing this first exam, then I'll learn it. It may hurt, but I think I've proven that I can be strong, when I lean on Him for my strength. He keeps instilling in me that His plan for me is good and so I have nothing to fear. I will go where He leads me, and I will go there loving and trusting Him with all that I am and have.